Long-Distance Runners

Here’s something I just learned recently: Runners are fucking scumbags.

You’re going to have to trust me on the details here, because a lot of the sites I would use as resources have some pretty fucking nasty photos, but, seriously, RUNNERS ARE FUCKING SCUMBAGS.

Ok, hold on, let me compose myself, and present the jury with some anecdotal evidence.

During last year’s Boston marathon, runners dropped their pants and took shits ON THE SIDEWALKS.
Same thing happened in London’s marathon.
The organizers of Washington, DC’s 10-mile cherry blossom run almost lost their permit after last year’s run because so many runners were pissing and shitting ON THE MONUMENTS.
And, just to bring it home, my cousin ran in this year’s cherry blossom run in DC, and told me afterward that, at mile three, SHE SHIT HER PANTS AND JUST KEPT RUNNING.
DO YOU HEAR THAT WORLD? SHE SHIT HER PANTS AND RAN ANOTHER SEVEN MILES WITH A BIG FUCKING LOAD IN HER SHORTS AND DRIBBLING DOWN HER FUCKING LEGS.

Keep in mind that this is all happening IN PUBLIC. OTHER PEOPLE ARE AROUND.

And, the thing is, this happens every year, this is just the first time I’ve ever heard of it.

What really gets me, though, is that runners think they are fucking awesome. They’ll go on and on and on about runner’s high and doing ironmans and seven-minute miles and blah-dee-fucking-BLAH. And then, the next thing you know, they are shitting on sidewalks, or, in some cases, SHITTING THEMSELVES. During the race.

Seriously, when it comes to that point, it’s time for you to get a new fucking hobby.

Scumbags.